"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
