Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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