Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
