I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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