Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He passed out mid-signature
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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