you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
