Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
