Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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