i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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