apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
