We're facebook friends in real life
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
