i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
