Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
