I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
