I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
