dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My pussy is not your playground.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
