this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He is an equal opportunity slut.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
