I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
