just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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