I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
