doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
