She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
