the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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