I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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