Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
