As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
