bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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