I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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