He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
