Acid is not a monday night drug
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
