you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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