So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Randomize
