if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
