my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
