I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
