My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The best revenge is premature balding
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
