her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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