He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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