google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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