i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
