I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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