piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
