I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
