Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dicks are not precious.
I want a musical about memes.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
