I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
