We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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