is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
