I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
