STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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