Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
